NCC - 77447 - B
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Psyching yourself up.

Posted on Fri Nov 13th, 2020 @ 10:06pm by Lieutenant Acacia Thomas

Mission: Broken
Location: Marine CO's quarters.

She knew what it would show. She KNEW. However, the magnitude of the proof of her knowledge made her stop for the seventh time tonight from scanning herself. Her medical tricorder sat, with a single indicator light blinking on the blank screen- indicating it was in standby mode and ready to use. All she had to do was turn it on, press one soft blue button that was not currently illuminated but she knew it was there. Turn it on. TURN IT ON!

"I can't" she said dropping the scanner. A frustrated groan escaped her lips as she smacked herself in the forehead with the palm of her hand. That had actually hurt a little.

"I can't. I have to, but I can't."

"Just...do the damn scan Acacia." Pacing around the room, the circle pattern she took once more making her a little bit dizzy. Stopping, she collapsed on the chair that Jack preferred to read in, and briefly she was enveloped by the faint scent of his aftershave. That made the corners of her eyes burn, and she muttered "Crying isn't going to make doing this scan any easier. " Rubbing the corners of her eyes, and disappointing the moisture there she continued to allow the thoughts to spin in her head. I don't want someone else to know before I do. I don't want to share with anyone but Jack. Jason. He told you to call him Jason. It's his actual damn name, but he's not here for you to try it.

"C'mon Doctor Thomas...Jack would be ashamed of you, sitting here like a coward. You punched a marine for him, and got yourself beaten. You stood up to his nightmares. The least you can do is scan yourself for him. Pretend you're a patient for the love of the Custodian." She muttered and closed her eyes. Pretend she was a patient. The biobed with her on it flickered into her minds eye and she could hear someone faintly over the roaring in her ears indicating their symptoms. Nausea. Dizziness. Sensitivity to light and sound. The vibrancy of her imagination made it possible for her to actually do what she needed. With eyes tightly closed and tears welling up at the corners of her long eyelashes-ignored this time because of the fake sickbay in her mind, she pressed the scan button and swept the tricorder down in a practiced motion. Nerves made her hands tremble violently, something they would never do if she was in the OR. Somehow this was so monumentally different that she had been afraid to even turn the scanner on herself. A tiny bleep indicated that it had found something. Bright blue eyes, swimming with tears turned the readout to face herself.

There it was. Reverent fingers touched the scanner's face, and the tiny dot on the readout. She would get a better scan later, but the first was done.

"Oh hello." Her voice cracked on the word, and she swallowed to get ahold of herself. "I knew you were there."

 

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